SHAZAAM! And in one glorious moment, the government’s asylum seeker policies lay in complete ruins. Now, they are in BIG trouble.
I say a glorious moment — and it is. For years it has quietly infuriated the ordinary people of England that asylum seekers are housed at our expense in hotels.
Darren FletcherAnti asylum seeker protests at the Bell hotel[/caption]
n.cJubilant protesters gather outside The Bell in Epping following the court victory[/caption]
AFPKeir Starmer risks losing another few hundred thousand votes at the next election[/caption]
And even in some cases get gym membership, or hair extensions! And come down every morning to a full English.
While you are pouring milk on your last Weetabix and wondering how to feed the kids.
It’s no use the lefties howling. “No, no, it’s not like that at all! And in any case most of the migrants go for the continental breakfast option. You know, croissants and stuff.”
It is EXACTLY like that, as we have seen. Not to mention the stress on local communities who suddenly get a whole bunch of young men from a different culture dumped on them. Not all of the young men being as nice as pie.
Anyway, Epping — where the residents protested about migrants in a local hotel — has won its court battle.
As a result there will be no more migrants staying in that hotel.
Victory! And now lots of other councils have followed suit. They too will be kicking out the illegals. The government is absolutely spitting feathers. The problem now, then, is where are these migrants to go. My suggestion last week was tents. Or South Georgia. Or Rockall.
But the Government won’t buy that idea, sadly. And this is where we need to watch them very carefully. To see what they come up with.
Because it’s largely in the south that migrants are held in hotels.
In the north of England, because of cheap property prices, they tend to be housed in what are called Houses in Multiple Occupation.
And so with the hotel option being closed down, it may be that the Government decides to swamp the north of England with migrants.
Because it can do so cheaply. It may think (being pretty stupid) that is the only option.
The local councils in the north need to shout out a big fat NO to that notion.
These are the areas of the UK that already have the biggest social problems.
They are also our poorest regions. The last thing these communities want or need is for boatload after boatload of asylum seekers to be dumped on their doorsteps.
I think we can trust the councils run by Reform UK to oppose this idea completely. And so the Government will expect the Labour-run councils to help them out.
And that means more and more problems for the Government.
Because the voters will see that its Reform which says no to housing illegal asylum seekers.
And the Labour Party which says yes. And that will be another few hundred thousand votes lost to Sir Keir Starmer at the next election. In the meantime, we might hope that this all sharpens the Government’s concentration a little.
And that they step up with more measures to stop the asylum seekers arriving here in the first place. As I said last week, a law that says anyone who tries to come here illegally will be barred from ever being allowed to stay would be the first thing to do.
But I bet Labour doesn’t have the gonads to do it.
YES, inflation is up again. Almost double the Bank of England’s target rate. That means no reduction in interest rates.
And further down the line, another cash crisis for the poorest of us. Is there any section of the economy Labour hasn’t hurt?
GET SET FOR AN EXODUS
AlamyRachel Reeves reportedly wants a property tax at the more expensive end of the market[/caption]
RACHEL Reeves’ next plan to bankrupt everybody in the country is to put a tax on our homes.
Don’t forget, we’ve already been taxed on the money we spent on our homes.
Now it is reported that she wants a property tax. But only at the more expensive end of the market.
Anything that seems aspirational, anything that rewards hard work – the Chancellor will tax it.
Soon we’ll be left with a country full of skanks. Because everybody who works hard and saves dosh will have fled.
DANGER DOLPHIN
A DOLPHIN called Reggie has been attacking women off the Dorset coast.
Especially if he sees that they are wearing a wetsuit.
He swims up to them and seemingly tries to push their heads under water by jumping on their backs.
I suspect it’s because he’s bored stiff with them making awe-stricken “oohs” and “ahhs” whenever he hoves into view.
And taking selfies. He’s basically saying: “Go on, shove this on WhatsApp, you ditzy cow.”
PANTS FOR PC VICTIM
WHILE searching through Lea-Ann Sullivan’s bedroom drawer, a copper found a pair of her knickers and quickly put them in his back pocket.
The policeman, Marcin Zielinski, resigned from the force and has since been sent to prison.
Lea-Ann is not happy, though. She said she is constantly thinking: “What did he want them for? Why did he take them? What’s he going to do with them? How many more people has he done it to?”
Well, I could give Lea-Ann the answer to some of those questions.
All but the last one, in fact. It is not recorded if PC Perv was allowed to keep the knickers.
NAIVE ZOE SO WRONG
Naïve Zoe Gardner said she thought the protests against the asylum seekers had been organised by ‘Nazis and fascists’ on BBC NewsnightBBC
THERE was a woman on the BBC Newsnight programme who showed exactly why asylum seekers have become such a problem.
She was called Zoe Gardner. Probably still is.
And she thought the protests against the asylum seekers had been organised by “Nazis and fascists”.
She said a solution to the problem would be to build “not for profit” homes for ALL of the asylum seekers.
And that none of them were “illegal”.
She had a grasp of the subject you might have expected in a reasonably responsive four-year-old child. An absolute halfwit. Naive and hating of her own countrymen.
And absolutely certain she was right.
KEEP IT FIT FOR MOOR
THE Government is proposing to ban the winter burning of heather moorland.
Good. Come February the moors near me resemble a warzone.
All of this activity to protect one bird – the grouse.
The Moorland Association, which represents landowners, says the Government should think again.
Controlled burning prevents wildfires, the association says.
What rubbish. In fact, the so-called controlled burning can lead to wildfires itself, according to the RSPB. We need to reform the grouse moors.
And make them fit habitats for a vast array of wildlife, not just grouse.
YIKES!
YIKES! This weekend will see the advent of the dreaded Black Moon. This is supposed to be a bad omen. A very bad omen.
As it says in the Bible: “The sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light; the stars will fall from the sky, and the heavenly bodies will be shaken.”
So it’s going to be very busy. Make sure you mark the occasion in an appropriate manner. I’ll be out on top of a moor copulating with a goat.
TWISTS ON THE BORING NAME OLIVER
PA:Press AssociationOne baby suggestion instead of Oliver is Gnasher, to commemorate Dennis the Menace’s dog[/caption]
AlamyOr PraiseGod Barebones, to commemorate a roundhead politician from the 17th century[/caption]
PAHow about Reeves, in homage to our brilliant Chancellor?[/caption]
OK, so the most popular name for baby boys in the UK is Muhammad.
But Oliver is high up on the list too. In fact, everywhere I looked in the country, Oliver was coming out near the top.
I think I marginally prefer Muhammad, no offence. Know what the most popular girl’s name was? Olivia. Have we lost our imaginations?
We’ll soon be an entire nation of Olivers and Olivias. If you’re about to pup, here are a few suggestions for racy alternatives to Oliver and Olivia, with a bit of back history so you can explain the reasoning to rellies.
Sputnik – to commemorate the first satellite.
Gnasher – to commemorate Dennis the Menace’s dog.
PraiseGod Barebones – to commemorate a roundhead politician from the 17th century.
Reeves – in homage to our brilliant Chancellor.
Bakelite – to honour the first commercially available plastic.
Nebuchadnezzar – after the Babylonian king.
Ngerulmud – “because she was conceived when we were on holiday on Palau. It’s the capital, you know.”
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