CAN you remember that sometime last year there was an election in America?
One of the candidates was a ballsy chap who kept going on about how working people were getting a bad deal and immigration was out of control.
GettyStarmer needs to quit with the name-calling and concentrate on fixing the mess we’re in if he doesn’t want Reform to boot him out of office[/caption]
PAIncreasingly fed-up British people are now turning to Reform[/caption]
He wanted to put “America first” and improve the lives of the millions of citizens who felt they’d been left behind.
And he kicked out against all the woke nonsense that he said had infected public life and was making a mockery of common sense.
The other side didn’t like him one bit, especially because everywhere he went he seemed to draw massive crowds of people who cheered him on and agreed with everything he said.
So they tried to paint him as a criminal, a con artist, a misogynist, a racist, a homophobe, a transphobe, a threat to national security.
“Vote for this guy and you’re voting for the devil,” they screamed, then smugly sat back confident that all this mud-slinging would seal the deal.
And then Donald Trump won the election. Bigly. “How on Earth could this have happened?” howled the shell-shocked Democrats as they realised in eyeball-searing Technicolor that their attempts to discredit their opposition had failed.
Well how it happened was simple and it is a lesson that our current government would be wise to learn.
Politics may be serious business but it is also a game. And as with most games it is usually more effective to play the ball, rather than the man.
But judging by their antics at this week’s party conference, Labour just cannot seem to stop playing the man.
A clearly panic-stricken Starmer and his ministers spent so long talking about how dreadful — and dangerous — Nigel Farage and Reform are, it’s a wonder they had any time for anything else.
Reform’s immigration plans were “racist” seethed Keir Starmer, an accusation later echoed by his hyperactive Justice Secretary, David Lammy.
Reform’s agenda was the “single greatest threat” to British standards, declared Chancellor Rachel Reeves. Farage is a “con artist” and a “snake oil salesman” squeaked the Health Secretary Wes Streeting.
And then it was back to Starmer, who used his hour-long leader’s speech on Tuesday to vent more fury, claiming Reform was an “enemy of national renewal” and its leader “doesn’t like Britain, doesn’t believe in Britain”.
Lammy provided the final dig, wildly suggesting that Farage “once flirted with the Hitler Youth”.
OK, OK, we get it, you lot don’t like the bloke.
But apart from smearing him as a racist rabble-rouser pushing “politics of grievance”, what exactly are you going to do about it?
What deal do you have for all the increasingly fed-up British people turning to Reform — 29 per cent of all voters, according to YouGov — that will stop them listening to Farage and turn their heads back to you?
Greeting card baloney
How are you going to make them forget how they shivered in their homes last winter after you took away their winter fuel allowance?
How will you ensure they stop having to go without things like meat and cheese when doing their weekly shop because food inflation continues to soar?
When will they no longer struggle to get a GP appointment while people who are here illegally are ferried to theirs in £600 taxis?
When will you stop splurging £2billion of their taxes on housing illegal migrants in hotels in their towns and cities?
Because it is all well and good talking about big ideas like fighting for “the soul of the country”, but when its arms and legs don’t work, no one cares about all that greetings card baloney.
Starmer needs to quit with the name-calling and concentrate on fixing the mess we’re in if he doesn’t want Reform to boot him out of office.
Stop patronising “working people”, put some money back in people’s pockets and restore some fairness to this “land of dignity and respect” you claim to love.
Use the next four years in office to put a smile back on Britain’s face.
Because happy people don’t vote for the baddies.
JK HAS CAST A SPELL
PA:Press AssociationJK Rowling’s pitch-perfect demolition of the Emma Watson was a literary drone attack of the utmost precision[/caption]
JK ROWLING’S pitch-perfect demolition of the insufferable Emma Watson was a literary drone attack of the utmost precision.
I particularly liked the accusation that she is fed up with whiny Watson and her fellow Potter pillocks like Daniel Radcliffe “continuing to assume the role of de facto spokespeople for the world I created”.
It’s no surprise the ungrateful pair are still dining out on JK’s glorious creation.
Neither of these distinctly mediocre luvvies has gone on to set the heather alight.
But their days as Hogwarts’ headliners are numbered as Warner Bros charges ahead with a major Harry Potter TV series.
Some, including original director Chris Columbus, have questioned why JK felt the need to make the new series when the only new thing seems to be the cast.
Well, now we know.
BUSY COPPER
A COCKY copper supposedly “working from home” has been caught jamming a key down on his computer keyboard so bosses thought he was busy.
Presumably that key was zzzzzzzzzzz.
THERE was a time when getting a ticket to see Man United was like winning the lottery – nigh on impossible.
Each time tickets went on sale, us fans – who have to pay for the privilege of buying tickets – would be chucked into a queue for up to three hours before our turn came up, only to be told there were none left.
Well, what a difference a couple of seasons make.
Now, as the Reds continue their shocking form, you can pretty much take your pick for any game – and even get a discount.
The club introduced a new categorised system this year, ranking games from A-C, with A being the top tier, and therefore the most expensive.
This Saturday’s game versus newly promoted Sunderland is priced as category C, a bottom tier fixture.
Cue the joke: “Is that coz Man United are playing?”
SHOCK NOT ON, TOMMY
GettyTommy Cannon revealed that ITV bosses have snubbed Cannon & Ball as part of the channel’s 70-year celebrations[/caption]
ROCK on, Tommy! Or maybe not.
Tommy Cannon revealed this week that ITV bosses have snubbed Cannon & Ball as part of the channel’s 70-year celebrations.
Loads of other vintage acts have made the cut, including Tommy Cooper and Mr Bean, and will be screened on ITVX.
But no room for The Cannon & Ball Show, which ran on ITV to huge audiences between 1979 and 1988.
Tommy, 87, whose double act partner Bobby died in 2020, seethed: “Seventy years of ITV. Cannon & Ball gave it everything. We were the wallpaper, not just the furniture. To be left out of the celebration? That hurts. Not for me – but for Bobby. For the fans.”
He’s right to be cross but he shouldn’t be surprised.
TV cares little for the magic of the double acts of old, preferring to flood its schedules with talentless thickos in easy-on-the-brain garbage like Love Island.
And besides, ITV would doubtless slap so many trigger warnings on any Cannon & Ball rerun it would kill every joke in it.
THE Starmer Vs Burnham kerfuffle reminded me that despite their differences, the pair do share something in common – a passion for indie music legends The Wedding Present.
And one of the band’s most famous songs could easily have been the soundtrack to their excruciating handbags this week.
Namely 1990 single: Brassneck.
Christopher Raphael/PrimeMy new binge watch has been The Girlfriend, a slick White Lotus-style thriller starring Olivia Cooke[/caption]
Planet PhotosThe Amazon Prime series features racy scenes and is filmed in plenty sexy locations[/caption]
MY new binge watch has been the deliciously preposterous The Girlfriend, the slick White Lotus-style thriller starring the magnetic Olivia Cooke, pictured.
With plenty of racy scenes, the Amazon Prime series scores highly on the filth-o-meter.
But it’s an altogether different kind of “porn” that has kept me hooked – all the sexy locations it is filmed at.
From a giant St John’s Wood mansion in London to a stylish Spanish hacienda, it’s like Location, Location, Location: The Omaze Edition.
With Phil & Kirstie on Viagra.
CHANTY WOKE
SAYING “come on lads” is the latest offensive term, according to the Chief Offence Officer or whatever they call the humourless busybody at Berks & Bucks FA, who insisted fans should no longer use it.
“Come on team” is their preferred phrase, as it’s more, you guessed it, “inclusive”.
Well I guess it’s inclusive to Americans, who tend to shout this sort of cringeworthy crap at their “soccer” matches.
I’m tempted to head down and give them something to really complain about by deploying a few of the choice phrases from the terraces at Old Trafford.
Which, given the current state of things at United, have become very caustic indeed.
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