FOR the past few years, Geri Halliwell has steadfastly worn chastity white.
During her excruciating public display of affection with love rat (for that is what he is) husband Christian Horner over the weekend, how telling, then, there was a flash of funereal black outlining her cream frock.
GettyFor Geri, the line is a physical, real-life affair, which the F1 boss is adamant never happened[/caption]
Seeing Christian launch himself at Geri for a kiss could be compared to the scene with Little Britain’s scandal-hit MPPA
For all the painful Stepford Wife shows of unity, this is a woman scorned. Her red-rimmed, slightly puffy eyes could be another giveaway.
For all her protestations about Girl Power, feminist Geri certainly wasn’t burning any bras in Bahrain.
And for a woman who once said: “I’ve really learned how important it is to empower women”, her messaging is somewhat mixed.
Unwittingly, the Spice Girl has single-handedly sparked a new debate: what exactly IS cheating?
For her, the message seems to be: A bit of light flirting, fine. Seedy selfies, fine. A mid-flight toilet w*** about another woman, fine. Telling a female employee she looks good in Spanx (FYI no woman looks good in Spanx), fine.
For Geri, the line is a physical, real-life affair, which the F1 boss is adamant never happened.
In 2024, when we spend most of our lives online and behind a screen, perhaps she’s right.
There’s a famous scene in Little Britain which sees David Walliams’ MP character Sir Norman Fry drag his wife and two kids out to meet the Press.
In it, he earnestly recounts an unfortunate run-in with a “young Rastafarian gentleman in Kings Cross, with whom I regret to say a part of my body accidentally entered his”.
After awkwardly pecking his long-suffering frumpy wife, played by Matt Lucas, on the lips, he concludes: “As far as I am concerned, that is the end of the matter.”
The clip has been watched three million times on TikTok.
Seeing Christian awkwardly launch himself at Geri for a tight-lipped kiss was not entirely dissimilar. She looked as enthralled as Matt Lucas’s character.
BBCThe famous scene in Little Britain which sees David Walliams’ MP character Sir Norman Fry drag his wife and two kids out to meet the Press[/caption]
GettyWhile Christian has certainly Spiced Up His Life, poor Geri must now pick up the pieces.[/caption]
Pick up the pieces
Will this whitewashing of horny Horner’s antics derail Geri’s 30 year stellar career, one which has seen her successfully reinvent herself and adapt time after time?
While Christian has certainly Spiced Up His Life, poor Geri must now pick up the pieces.
But his argument will be one played out in homes across the country: An affair isn’t and affair if it never really happened.
In a Western world where we spend 50 per cent of our days on a smartphone, what’s a spot of light verbal flirting if it gets you through the tedium of real life?
Twenty years ago, porn was largely viewed as something dirty, conducted behind closed doors — and certainly hidden from the wife at home.
Today, it’s almost celebrated. It’s easier to watch Pornhub than it is, say, apply for a driving licence, or do the weekly shop.
“Ethical porn” is championed for women, where participants are all too willing, and none of it is seedy, and that certainly isn’t regarded as cheating.
In other words, today’s WhatsApp affair is yesterday’s porn.
In Geri’s eyes, Christian has done nothing wrong. Just maybe, her forgiveness is the ultimate symbol of girl power.
And in the words of the Spice Girls themselves, and their breakthrough No1, Wannabe: “If you want my future, forget my past.”
Ain’t that so, Christian?
Give brilliant Jess right role
Kudos to Jess Phillips who, last week, once again stood to a half-empty Parliament and read out a list of women killed by men over the past 12 monthsBBC
THERE are 225 female MPs in the House of Commons. So why is only one actually doing something – or, at least, trying to – for women?
Kudos to Jess Phillips who, last week, once again stood to a half-empty Parliament and read out a list of women killed by men over the past 12 months.
It took her more than five minutes to read out all 98 names, 98 too many, and she broke down during it.
“I am tired that women’s safety matters so much less in this place than small boats,” she said, fervidly. “I am tired of fighting for systematic change and being given table scraps.”
Ahead of International Women’s Day on Friday, and three years on from Sarah Everard’s catalogue-of-errors killing, for too long politicians have been uttering meaningless platitudes and taking no real action.
The brilliant, fearless Labour MP is that rare, special breed of conviction politicians.
If the Tories really want to be seen as a party for women, not just men in tweed, they’d do well to appoint her in some cross-party role, letting the rising star action some of her game-changing ideas.
But they won’t.
AWWW, multi-millionaires, touchingly out of touch.
This time it was the turn of Kellogg’s CEO Gary Pillock Pilnick to be excoriated on the internet after suggesting poor people would do well to scoff Frosties “for dinner” to save money. Cute.
A man, as the web pointed out, who makes Marie “let them eat cake” Antoinette look in-touch.
FA rule wrong insult
GettyAt a time when (elite-level) trans male competitors are impacting the integrity of women’s sport, this is yet another insult to women everywhere[/caption]
ONE of the country’s biggest girls’ football leagues faces being shut down by the FA for refusing to let a boy play in its matches.
The organisation has reportedly threatened the West Riding Girls Football League in Yorkshire with sanctions if it doesn’t let the kid join in.
For decades, girls have battled to be allowed to play and get football air time.
For years, young girls were forced to play on third-rate pitches, wear the lads’ cast-off kits and were generally treated like third-rate citizens.
Where was the FA then?
Happily burying its head in the sand and investing more and more money into the men’s game.
At a time when (elite-level) trans male competitors are impacting the integrity of women’s sport, this is yet another insult to women everywhere.
Boris chips in
GettyFormer PM Boris Johnson reckons ultra processed foods should come with a health warning, one not dissimilar to those found on cigarette packets[/caption]
WORDS not often uttered, but Boris Johnson has come up with a rather brilliant idea.
The former PM reckons ultra processed foods should come with a health warning, one not dissimilar to those found on cigarette packets.
With obesity rocketing (an oxymoron), more education is needed to help people make smarter decisions when it comes to food.
Crisps, ice-cream and fizzy drinks would be about 100 per cent less appealing were they plastered with giant, hairy-a***d, pot-bellied blokes.
Keep mum on big day
UNLESS I’m going mad, I thought the whole point of “trigger warnings” was to protect the would-be viewer from undue hurt or upset.
But over the past few weeks my email has been clogged with notifications from brands, helpfully reminding shoppers that Mother’s Day is coming up.
They all go along the lines of: “We fully appreciate how difficult this time of year can be. So we’d therefore like to offer you the opportunity to opt-out of our Mother’s Day gift guide/offers/presents/commercialised bull***t. Click the button below to be redirected, but you’ll still receive all our other GREAT value-for-money deals!”
Seriously?
So in order to avoid the putative pain of an event, companies are proactively drawing attention to it.
If brands really want to be sensitive they would stop trying to profit from this manufactured, utterly meaningless, one-off day.
GettyFor those moaning about Brits nepo host Roman Kemp, it could have been worse . . . Barney Walsh[/caption]
The Mega AgencyKylie was a Brits highlight[/caption]
ON Saturday night it was the Brit Awards, that annual in-house music industry pat on the back.
Year in, year out this event gets less and less rock ’n’ roll – fewer moonies, fewer drunken stage invasions and fewer jaw-quivering rock stars snorting half of Colombia between performances.
Still, for those moaning about nepo host Roman Kemp, it could have been worse . . . Barney Walsh.
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