IT was a hot, lazy evening and I couldn’t be bothered to beep my way through all the offerings on Netflix and Amazon so, instead, I settled down to watch The Repair Shop on BBC One.
What an excellent programme this is. Because so far as I could tell, the producers hadn’t wasted any of their time finding suitably diverse experts and guests.
BBCI settled down to watch The Repair Shop on BBC One – and it’s an excellent programme[/caption]
There was no screaming campness and no bewildered Somalians wondering why anyone would want to restore a teddy bear.
Instead, there were quite a few middle-aged women and some elderly gentlemen.
Sir Starmer would undoubtedly call them “far right”, but they seemed to me to be nice people who just wanted to restore something that used to make them happy.
And I was in awe of the people who made this possible. The young guy who could soften old leather to restore an old pair of children’s shoes.
And the girl who could invisibly mend a tiny strip of material. They were seriously skilful.
And as I watched them with their little brushes and their glue and their special concentrating faces, I was suddenly filled with optimism about the future for Britain.
At the moment, I need an off-road buggy for the farm. And we don’t make such a thing in this country.
So I’ll probably end up with something from China because it’s the sort of thing they are good at. Along with phones and training shoes and high-speed trains.
I guess it’s the same story with tech. We keep being told that British boffins are on the brink of greatness but if we want something that’s up and running now, we have to import it from California. Because that’s what they do.
It’d be easy to despair about all of this, to look at the UK and think: “What the bloody hell do we do here these days?”
Even the City, which used to bring in most of our cash, is a shadow of its former self.
And that brings me back to The Repair Shop, which demonstrates exactly what we can do. Make do and mend stuff. Keep calm and carry on using it.
APAt the moment, I need an off-road buggy for the farm – but I’ll probably end up with something made in a Chinese factory[/caption]
There will always be a demand for this. Someone who can mend your grandad’s watch, or restore your MG. Someone who can bring that antique frock you bought in the market last weekend back to life.
I’m looking out of the window now at Gerald, who’s busy in the sunshine mending a dry-stone wall.
There are 1.4billion people in China and not one of them could do that, any more than Gerald could build a 220mph train.
In Britain, we are shed people. Sure, we have made a huge contribution to the world over the years with the explanation of gravity, and the jet engine and television and the internet and penicillin.
But the people who came up with all this stuff did so in a shed.
It’s where we all belong, with a bradawl and some emery boards, bringing a Frenchman’s clockwork train set back to life.
Or repairing an Italian contessa’s collection of vintage Prada outfits.
Or polishing a German’s antique diving bell.
That’s how we breathe new life into our future.
By breathing new life into our past.
Kneecap? They’re a sorry excuse for a band
ReutersI absolutely support Kneecap’s right to say what they want – what I cannot support though is their grovelling apology[/caption]
I CAN’T say I’m familiar with the music of Irish band Kneecap.
But it seems their lyrics and call to murder MPs have not gone down well.
They’ve even been banned from a music festival at the Eden Project in Cornwall. And there’s talk Glastonbury will be next to kick them out.
I don’t hold with this at all. They’re a band and causing outrage is what bands used to do all the time. It’s what they are supposed to do. Be angry.
Make a noise. Say inappropriate things. I mean, have we forgotten the Sex Pistols?
So I absolutely support Kneecap’s right to say what they want. What I cannot support though is their grovelling apology. You’re a band, for God’s sake. You swash your buckle and you carry on regardless.
I don’t remember Crosby, Stills, Nash or Young apologising for all the horrible things they said about President Nixon. Nor should they have done.
Human race in danger?
WE were told this week that unless the women with wombs get busy and soon, the human race will become extinct.
Mathematicians say that in order for the species to survive, each female needs to produce, on average, 2.7 children. But at the moment, the average is just 1.44.
Hmm. That might be the case in the western world but in Muslim countries, each woman has on average 3.1 kids.
So it’s not the human race that’s in danger. Just the Christian bit of it.
Trees dying to fail
National HighwaysNational Highway planted 886,000 trees alongside the busy A14 in Cambridgeshire – but over half of them have died[/caption]
OH dear. National Highways has been criticised because in 2023, 886,000 trees were planted alongside the busy A14 in Cambridgeshire.
And more than half of them have died.
Naturally, everyone has their reasons for this disaster. Some say it’s global warming. Others reckon it must have something to do with Israel or Donald Trump.
And, of course, there’s a noisy lobby which says they were all killed by the exhaust fumes from passing cars.
Not true, I’m afraid. Trees that live by busy roads do very well as a general rule because what mostly comes out of a car’s exhaust is carbon dioxide and that’s literally what they live on.
The real reason why trees die, and they always do in my experience, is that they’re like sheep. They enjoy dying.
They like watching you spend a fortune on them and then coming out every day to water them. And then withering.
And even if they don’t die, they will be eaten by a squirrel or a deer.
Or cut down by a couple of mindless thugs.
I’d like, therefore, to blame National Highways for the loss. But it’s really not their fault.
Clean up our rivers
SOME weird people who like to swim in very cold water gathered this week in Derbyshire to protest about the fact that only three per cent of Britain’s rivers and reservoirs are open to people who like wild swimming.
Or “swimming”, as I call it.
I think three per cent is enough though.
Because the truth of the matter is that our waterways are already full of sewage, and nitrates and various unpleasant chemicals.
We need to clean them up and it won’t exactly help if we let an army of middle-aged Liberal Democrats marinade their genitals in them.
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