SO how angry were you when you learned that the sadistic child killer Ian Huntley is swanning around jail dressed in a football top like that worn by the two little girls he smothered to death?
Because I confess I was close to loading up a sock with some snooker balls and making my way down to HMP Frankland to, er, offer him a quick frame.
PA:Press AssociationWhat a vile conniving monster Ian Huntley continues to be[/caption]
AFPNigel Farage plans to send beasts like Huntley to prisons such as El Salvador’s Cecot, which jams up to 80 lags into each cell for 23.5 hours a day on metal bunk beds[/caption]
What a vile conniving monster the murderer of Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman continues to be.
But as we no longer subject even our cruellest killers to the death penalty we have to endure their constant presence.
And this means giving them everything from basic food and shelter to more generous treats such as PlayStations and female prison officers to roger.
Now we must add a free pass to mock the families of those whose lives they wiped out.
Well if Nigel Farage becomes PM such soft touch incarceration and belligerent behaviour could be a thing of the past.
Reform UK’s no-nonsense leader plans to send beasts like Huntley to the kind of gruesome jails where lags do not even wear T-shirts.
His big idea to curb Britain’s prison crisis is to strike deals with foreign nations to house the criminals we no longer have room for.
And one such destination would be El Salvador, the crime-ridden Central American nation, where his pal, Donald Trump, has already been shipping his undesirables.
El Savador’s notorious mega prisons hold such a fascination that it is impossible to turn on Channel 5 without finding at least one programme dedicated to their brutality.
Conditions are the stuff of nightmares, with murderers, rapists and psychopaths crammed into actual CAGES.
Illuminated day and night by deliberately harsh artificial lights, inmates — mostly gang members plastered in tattoos — face a constant threat of violence.
Even Beelzebub would find the 40,000 capacity Terrorism Confinement Center a little extreme.
Known as Cecot, it jams up to 80 lags into each cell for 23.5 hours a day on metal bunk beds with no mattresses.
There are no books, cards, TV, or letters from home for the inmates, who are also forbidden from having visitors.
Once you’re in, you might as well cease to exist.
And many literally do. Around 80 prisoners are killed each year.
This is proper hard time.
Of course Nigel’s headline-grabbing ruse is like many of his grand plans — sketched out on the back of a fag packet after a few pints of mild in a seaside town boozer.
Another bit of red meat to chuck at an increasingly fed-up electorate who just cannot see any of those cretins in the Labour or Tory parties making any difference.
But where Nigel leads, our more established politicians follow.
Former human rights lawyer Keir Starmer knows he is guaranteed to be toast in 2029 if he doesn’t listen carefully to what Reform is saying.
And he should pay particularly close attention to this idea with our nicks now “dangerously full”, according to his own prisons minister, James Timpson.
Keir dropped the ball early on how to fix this by letting out a whole host of swaggering scumbags — only for some of them to immediately offend again.
The former Chief Prosecutor has sent thousands of people to prison but now simply cannot be trusted to properly deal with criminals.
Brits are fed up living in increasingly crime-plagued towns and cities, where stabbings, burglaries — and worse — are a daily occurrence.
As a Sun On Sunday poll revealed at the weekend, half of us think Britain has become a “lawless country”.
Sir Keir’s bed-wetting North London chums might wince at the “barbaric” idea of sending our bad apples to some godforsaken foreign hellhole but he can be damn sure most voters won’t.
After all, this is a country where the majority of people, when polled, agree with bringing back the death penalty.
That’s never going to happen but shipping the worst animals in our society off to El Salvador is certainly an attractive alternative — and one hell of a deterrent.
And if Sir Keir is worried about the ramifications of stealing an idea off someone else, he can relax.
Our justice system is now so broken thieves get away scot-free.
HOOKED ON PoW DRAMA
BBCThe Narrow Road To The Deep North on BBC1, starring Jacob Elordi, does not disappoint[/caption]
I ALWAYS feel nervous when a book I love is adapted for film or TV.
So it was with some trepidation that I tuned in to watch The Narrow Road To The Deep North on BBC1 on Sunday night.
Australian Richard Flanagan’s 2013 novel – inspired by his dad’s ordeal on the Burma Death Railway in WW2 – is one of the best things I’ve ever read.
It literally took my breath away with its heartbreaking depiction of life as a Japanese POW in the sweltering jungles of Thailand.
So I was pleased to learn that the Jacob Elordi-fronted drama does not disappoint, beautifully capturing both the brutality of Japanese officers and the tender love story of its central characters.
With all episodes now on iPlayer, it’s the only thing I’ll be watching this week.
OFWAT’S A BUSTED FLUSH
I CAN’T believe there was even a debate about whether the useless water regulator, Ofwat, needed replacing.
Having overseen 36 years of greed and failure from chaotically run, s*** spraying private water firms, the quango is, to coin a phrase, a busted flush.
CYCLING HELMET
SuppliedWhat kind of selfish b*****d parks a bike like this?[/caption]
I OFTEN cycle to and from work so feel duty-bound to defend my fellow cyclists from the boring complaints of those angry drivers who think we’re all just in their bloody way.
And then I see something like this at my local Sainburys and all solidarity goes out the (car) window.
I mean what kind of selfish bastard does such a thing?
GAME, SET AND MATCH TO AI MIA
InstagramThe impossibly beautiful Mia Zelu doesn’t exist, and is simply an AI ‘storyteller’[/caption]
THE impossibly beautiful Mia Zelu certainly captured the world’s attention as she posted her Wimbledon antics all over social media.
There she was looking all cute in the bleachers and posing with a glass of the ubiquitous Pimms.
What a lucky lass, snaring a scarce ticket to this glorious event – so thought her followers, over 40,000 of whom liked her Instagram pictures.
Only one problem, it was all a load of cobblers.
“Mia” doesn’t exist and is simply an AI “storyteller”.
Game, set and match to the robots!
SHOULD DU BEKE GO TOO?
GettyBBC loyalists are apparently engaged in a fight to save Tim Davie as he stumbles from one crisis to another[/caption]
BBC loyalists are apparently engaged in a fight to save their hapless director-general Tim Davie as he stumbles from one crisis to another.
It’s not hard to understand why they want to ensure his survival – they know he will always save THEM.
Because that’s the thing about Tim’s BBC – when the s**t hits the proverbial, it’s only the badly behaved stars who get the boot (eventually), never those who enabled them.
That said, I’m somewhat confused as to why John Torode was sacked while the ridiculous Anton Du Beke is still on the BBC.
In 2009 Anton – real name Tony Beke – famously said his dance partner Laila Rouass – an actress of Indian and Moroccan heritage – looked like a P***, causing her to storm out.
Arguably a more serious racist incident than quoting a pop song or joshing with someone who took no offence.
Yet he’s still mincing about on primetime BBC One while the show’s official website breathlessly describes him as “part of the Strictly furniture”.
FOOD FURY
FANS of Billie Eilish have got beef with her after she insisted that all her UK shows only serve VEGAN food.
I have some sympathy with them as I encountered the same miserable meat-free diktat at a gig by the increasingly right-on Massive Attack last month.
I ended up forcing down a £16 bowl of fried cauliflower, which was not only utterly tasteless, it resulted in me expelling more greenhouse gas than an entire herd of Aberdeen Angus.
CHEAT’S CODE
tiktok/instaagraaceWhen the camera panned to poor old Andy Byron and his not-so-secret lover he should have simply gripped her even tighter and mouthed ‘Stop! Don’t jump!’[/caption]
POOR old Andy Byron may well be heading to the divorce courts after canoodling his not-so-secret lover at that Coldplay gig.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing but I have a simple tactic that he’ll be kicking himself for not employing on that fateful night.
One that would have made him a hero rather than the world’s most ridiculed man.
And that is . . . when the camera panned to him and his mistress he should have simply gripped her even tighter, pulled her back and mouthed theatrically “Stop! Don’t jump!”
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