SEVENTY-SIX days after the BBC started its latest political sulk, the moment they’d been dreading since November 5 finally arrived this week.
The second inauguration of Donald Trump as US President.
BBCThe BBC’s Sophie Raworth, whose eyes always said something different to her mouth, and Clive Myrie[/caption]
GettyRobert De Niro must be aghast to discover the whole of America doesn’t take its political cue from the bloke off the Warburtons bread advert[/caption]
The Mega AgencyMelania Trump’s hat caused a stir at the inauguration[/caption]
An affront to all they hold to be smug, left-of-centre and true. Although they weren’t the only ones having a thin time of it on Monday.
The Sky News coverage was equally angst-ridden, skewed and bitter, according to all reliable sources, and Good Morning Britain began its darkest day with a luvvie tirade from actor Brian Cox, who punctuated one particularly deranged segment about financial inequality by claiming: “I think of poor Bobby De Niro, who’s been beating that tambourine very strongly and is very much anti-Trump.”
Ah yes, poor poor Bobby De Niro — he must be aghast to discover the whole of America doesn’t take its political cue from the bloke off the Warburtons bread advert.
Though, I’d imagine, his $500million fortune probably cushions the blow a bit.
Most BBC presenters don’t quite have that luxury, of course, so they just had to grit their teeth, like on the A9 to Kingussie, and decide which one of two possible approaches the network was going to adopt for the big occasion.
Thick as Spam
The first option was to go for the informal and gossipy atmosphere favoured by ITV and Tom Bradby, which would’ve allowed them to have some fun with the oddballs who turned up at the Capitol Rotunda in Washington DC, speculate as to why Melania Trump had arrived dressed as Kid Creole and explain that the third facelift on the left actually belonged to Jeff Bezos’ fiancée Lauren Sanchez.
The second and probably more likely route was to play it totally straight, take the time to explain what the hell an “executive order” actually is and bring in a couple of high-profile guests, from both sides of the divide, to fight the political battles for them. In the event, they chose neither.
Fun was never a consideration, given their mood, and opinionated guests couldn’t be relied on to parrot the BBC’s rigidly woke line, so they kept it nearly all in-house and just batted around their own frustrations, worries and anti-wealth prejudices for the entire two and a half hours.
First out of the traps? A grief-stricken-looking Sophie Raworth, whose eyes always said something different to her mouth, and Clive Myrie, who was feigning bafflement at the failure of two women to become President so everyone else could blame it on sexism rather than the fact Kamala Harris is as thick as a tin of Spam and Hillary Clinton’s about as lovable.
Although, in fairness to both anchors, they were a significant improvement on the network’s previous incumbents, Emily Maitlis and Jon Sopel, who comprehensively trashed the BBC’s reputation by deciding its sacred oath of neutrality wasn’t nearly as important as their own two-bit opinions.
Their spirit lingers, though, in the form of Auntie’s North America Editor Sarah Smith, who couldn’t keep the contempt out of her voice when she arrived to announce: “Restoring sanity, ha ha, is what Trump says he’s going to do. He says the Government will go back to making appointments on merit.”
Fancy that! “On merit,” she says. Whatever next? Well, “Crucially,” Sarah continued, with evident shock, “He will decree there are two sexes in America. Men and women . . . ”
It’s the laugh that gives her and the BBC away, of course.
The point at which you appear to mock and question someone’s sanity for championing basic fairness and the cold, hard scientific fact of two genders, however, is also the point when you reveal yourself to be far, far crazier than Donald Trump, even if he does often look as mad as a paintballing Yeti.
It’s also probably the reason why I found myself nodding through quite a lot of the inauguration speech and revel in Trump’s laugh-out-loud ability to wind up his terminally pompous critics.
A weapon that was never better illustrated than on Monday’s GMB, where they played inset footage of the leader of the free world dancing to the Village People’s YMCA while Brian Cox loudly did his nut.
There’s not a damn thing the BBC, Sarah Smith, Brian Cox or any other member of the dressing-up box community can do about it either.
Although, it’s poor Bobby De Niro I feel really sorry for, obviously.
Big love goes to Marti
BBCMarti Pellow on the Big Show showed how television is wonderful sometimes[/caption]
JANUARY’S most stunning TV transformation involved the first episode of Michael McIntyre’s new Big Show series, which felt like it was going nowhere for at least half an hour on BBC1 this weekend.
Alan Carr’s Remember Me slot didn’t work nearly as well as vintage Send To All, and Midnight Game Show – with the recently split Sam Thompson and Zara McDermott – went on far too long for anyone’s comfort.
Salvation was at hand, though, via the Unexpected Star segment, a hidden camera stunt that was executed so perfectly it’s changed the way I think about a Wet Wet Wet song and possibly even Jamie Oliver as well.
The twist here being, the chef had to create a pop-up restaurant behind the theatre and serve singer Marti Pellow gourmet food that was created entirely from the packets of Monster Munch, Oreos and random lumps of cheese the Big Show audience had brought with them.
A haul which had Oliver admitting, with just the right level of self-deprecation: “I feel like I’ve wasted 15 years of campaigning.”
Marti Pellow, however, couldn’t have been more thrilled with his “old school” appetisers and no matter how weird and funny the stunt got, he suspected nothing until the wall of Oliver’s “dessert fridge” collapsed and he was suddenly confronted by the Drury Lane crowd, who went properly nuts before, during and after the most joyful and spontaneous version of Love Is All Around you’re ever likely to hear.
Television is wonderful sometimes.
Unexpected morons in the bagging area
POINTLESS Celebrities, Alexander Armstrong: “Writer, director and star of 1941 film Citizen Kane, initials OW?”
Curtis Pritchard: “Oprah Winfrey.”
The Weakest Link, Romesh Ranganathan: “Which mammal has species including Arctic, fennec and red, the latter of which is often found in urban areas of the UK?”
Sammi Kinghorn: “Bear.”
Celebrity Mastermind, Clive Myrie: “What was the surname of the American heiress and media personality whose 2023 autobiography is entitled Paris: The Memoir?”
Tyger Drew-Honey: “Meghan Markle.”
Lookalike of the week
Not known, clear with picture deskAlan Carr and Hammersmith from Underground Ernie[/caption]
THIS week’s winner is Alan Carr and Hammersmith from Underground Ernie.
Sent in by the prolific Michele M.
Random TV irritations
MARTIN CLUNES going for the full “Ivor the Engine” with his Welsh accent on ITV drama Out There.
Channel 4’s Travel Man, with Joe Lycett, which in a fair and just world would be called Two S**t Comedians Trying To Be Funny Abroad.
And Celebrity Hunted contestants Lucrezia Millarini and Simon McCoy, who could’ve hidden anywhere in the whole of Britain but instead chose to have lunch at Joe Allen’s restaurant in Covent Garden, like a couple of right London media throbbers.
TV gold
RexMatch Of The Day paid the perfect tribute to Denis Law[/caption]
THE return of Michael McIntyre’s Big Show and Gladiators on Saturday night, BBC1. Celebrity Hunted contestants Duncan James and Christine McGuinness discovering Britain’s most perfect hiding place when they appeared live on Steph’s Packed Lunch, the C4 show with zero viewers.
Would I Lie To You host Rob Brydon responding to David Mitchell’s suggestion Gethin Jones “could be being really clever here”. “He presents Morning Live.”
And Match Of The Day paying perfect tribute to Denis Law, the King of Aberdeen for ever more, with the music and words of Johnny Cash: “The wise men will bow down before the throne. And at his feet they’ll cast their golden crowns. When the man comes around.”
Great sporting insights
ROBBIE SAVAGE: “For United to win, they’re going to have to score.”
Bruno Fernandes: “We had lift off when we lost against Forest.”
Glenn Murray: “Not only has he shown him the red card, he’s sent him off.”
(Compiled by Graham Wray)
“FEMINIST” of the week? Good Morning Britain, actor Brian Cox, below: “The thing that worries me more than anything else is how women are being treated and marginalised in America. I feel very strongly there’s a strong anti-feminist thing going on.”
Richard Madeley: “But women voted for Trump in their millions.”
Cox: “I know, and that’s the problem, they don’t realise. The lack of awareness baffles me.”
So listen up, women, and do exactly what the angry left-wing man says.
GREAT TV lies and delusions of the month. Celebrity Hunted, Ray Howard: “There’s a certain smatter of Hollywood about Danielle Harold and Kimberly Hart-Simpson.” Tipping Point, Lucky Stars, Julian Clary: “Tonight, I am amongst friends.”
Dancing On Ice, Holly Willoughby: “Next tonight, we have by far the funniest person on the show, comedian Josh Jones.” For that honour clearly belongs to the wardrobe assistant who persuaded Sir Steve Redgrave to dress up as one of the Vengaboys.
LOVE Island: All Stars dialogue of the week.
Casey, on Tina’s arrival: “Tiny T, that’s what we used to call her.”
Scott: “Why?”
“Because she’s tiny and her name’s Tina.”
Next week: Nas explains to Ronnie why he calls Curtis Pritchard “Flirtis Pritchard.”
LOVE Island quiz.
Why did Curtis Pritchard say “Ekin-Su is a little bit like an onion” this week?
A) “She’s got lots of layers.”
B) “She tastes better when she’s pickled.”
C) “She’s medium-sized with a flat head and dry skin.”
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