COMIC Relief 2025 — a show that should be up in court under the Trade Descriptions Act.
One so painfully unfunny, categorically no sides were split in the making of it.
BBCBloated with no fewer than eight BBC presenters, this year’s Red Nose Day raised £4million less than last year[/caption]
GettyThe skit with two blokes from The Inbetweeners dressed up as Noel and Liam Gallagher in a scene was genuinely so cringe[/caption]
Bloated with no fewer than eight BBC presenters — who says the Beeb is over-staffed?? — this year’s Red Nose Day raised £4million less than last year.
While £34million is laudable — and let’s not forget every pound spent goes on charitable projects — it pales in comparison to, say, 2011’s telethon that raised a whopping £108million. AKA the glory days.
When the hosts were funny, the skits original, the singers anarchic.
Instead, on Friday night, we had Carol Decker singing, followed by a 16-year-old sketch from James Corden, EastEnders’ Phil Mitchell depressed in a mental health unit, and two blokes from The Inbetweeners dressed up as Noel and Liam Gallagher in a scene that was genuinely so cringe, I had to turn over and watch England v Albania on ITV.
So apologies if the last 45 seconds of James Buckley and Joe Thomas’s act were unadulterated comedy platinum, I wouldn’t know . . . although unlikely, judging by these X reviews: “That Oasis sketch on #ComicRelief might just be the worst thing I’ve ever seen on TV,” and “jaw-droppingly bad — can’t believe someone signed this off”. Yep, I was better off seeing England passing sideways.
Even Comic Relief’s co-founder, Sir Lenny Henry, has given up flogging this limp donkey — merely appealing to viewers over a pre-recorded VT to part with their hard-earned cash.
And this, naturally, is part of the problem.
In a cost-of-living crisis, one that shows no imminent sign of abating under Labour, it will never not be galling to see [eight] millionaires instructing us to give their last tenner.
Or as one user on Reddit remarked: “I do support the cause, but at the same time I would kind of like to have electricity on at home next week. F*** off, and sell your spare Ferrari or something.”
And thanks to the Captain Tom Moore saga — you poor f***ers paid for tiles in his family’s swimming pool — people are increasingly viewing charities as big business.
And wonderful charities like Comic Relief — an organisation that has raised £1.6billion — are the fall guys.
In the streaming age, the BBC is up against it.
Perhaps people would rather watch Adolescence on Netflix than a real-life sob story.
It is up to Aunty, then, to cheer us up.
Throw everything at it — not just Alesha Dixon, Joel Dommett and Jonathan Ross awkwardly reading an autocue.
Water cooler moment
The best moment of the night — a recap of Jamie Laing’s astonishing five-day ultramarathon, which raised over £2million — was truncated to a couple of minutes long. That unlikely superhero deserved so much more.
Red Nose Day used to be a huge deal, a water cooler moment and something we’d excitedly stay home to watch.
BBCThere were some touching moments in the show — like Davina McCall reflecting on her recent surgery to remove a brain tumour[/caption]
GettyThe best moment of the night — a recap of Jamie Laing’s astonishing five-day ultramarathon, which raised over £2million — was truncated to a couple of minutes long[/caption]
It was a TV event.
Kids would queue up around the block to buy their noses.
Today, red noses are available to buy on Amazon for £2.50, or £60 for a “collector’s box”.
Because nothing says charity-starts-at-home like an American trillionaire’s e-commerce company flogging plastic snouts.
There were some touching moments in the show — like Davina McCall reflecting on her recent surgery to remove a brain tumour — but too few of them.
An event that used to feel like such a special, one-off televisual takeover, now feels like any other day of the week.
Finishing his charity appeal, Sir Lenny said: “Please keep doing what you can to help, because doing good never gets old.”
Sadly the same couldn’t be said for Comic Relief’s gags.
NOT ON YOUR NELLY
OXYMORON of the week care of Antonio Murolo, bless him.
The brave Sun Club interviewee revealed his wife, Ejiro, had paid for him to use escorts due to their ailing sex life – and his micropenis.
Gamely, he said: “I have a micropenis – just 3.5 inches when erect – which, while never an issue before, suddenly felt like the elephant in the room.”
Toy elephant, perhaps.
LACKS KECKS APPEAL
NOW, I can understand why Cristiano Ronaldo, Justin Bieber, Nick Jonas, David Beckham and David Gandy have underwear deals.
But the decision to give Kyle Walker – a man never so happy as when out of his pants – I cannot.
instagramI cannot understand the decision to give Kyle Walker an underwear deal[/caption]
Bafflingly, AC Milan’s serial shagger has landed a contract to feature in Hugo Boss’s new campaign.
What woman in her right mind would buy her partner Y-fronts associated with that love rat? “Ah yes, let’s hope my man scores with other women in his Kyle pants.”
CARD’S DAY WORK
A TAX office worker whose boss sent her a birthday card has been awarded £25,000 in damages after she sued HMRC for harassment.
While Kani Toure, a French national of African origin, was off sick with work-related stress (sigh), she “clearly explained” she wanted contact to be kept to a minimum.
She claimed the 11 emails checking in on her and the birthday card amounted to harassment.
Inexplicably, a judge agreed to ten of 20 allegations of race and disability harassment and discrimination, and she got her pay day.
This is precisely the disgusting sort of taking-the-p*** abuse of taxpayers’ money the Government MUST clamp down on.
But until Work and Pensions Secretary Liz Kendall is brave enough to shake off union shackles, money like this will continue to be spunked. And it is beyond infuriating.
A million reasons to get a ‘job’ like Alix . . .
QUITE possibly, not until this very nanosecond had you heard of a young lady called Alix Earle.
But influencer Ms Earle and her like go a long way towards explaining why the TikTok generation refuse to work. (By “work” I mean a full day’s graft.)
GettyAlix Earle is suing a fitness brand called Gymshark after it allegedly axed her sponsorship deal over her pro-Israel views[/caption]
Because Alix, with an “ix”, is suing a fitness brand called Gymshark after it allegedly axed her sponsorship deal over her pro-Israel views.
Court filings claim Gymshark agreed to pay her $1million for three – three!!! – TikTok videos. (And a draining four vids on Instagram, to be fair.)
No wonder kids today are not growing up wanting to be doctors, lawyers, teachers or mechanics when the alternative – £300,000 for a few minutes work – is in reach.
That being said, perhaps we are the real mugs.
AWW, nepo telly. On Saturday night, viewers had the option to tune into father and son combo Bradley and Barney Walsh on Gladiators, or sibling combo Ryan and Adam Thomas, for new ITV show 99 To Beat – a Poundland Squid Game. Cute.
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