AT last a politician has come up with a workable plan to sort out our asylum-seeker crisis.
That man is Nigel Farage, of Reform, of course. He plans to deport 600,000 asylum seekers within five years.
PANigel Farage plans to deport 600,000 asylum seekers within five years[/caption]
GettyAnyone who comes here illegally should automatically lose their right to claim asylum[/caption]
Good for him.
He outlined his proposals earlier this week. And as I read through them, I felt a little pang of familiarity.
Hadn’t I read that stuff somewhere before, I thought, scratching my head?
And yes, I had. It was MY proposals, in a column here a few weeks ago. My ten-point plan for solving the asylum crisis.
So much of what Nigel said this week, I said back then.
The most important point by far was making it absolutely clear that anyone who comes here illegally will automatically lose their right to claim asylum.
Apart from anything else, that will be a huge deterrent to those thinking of crossing the Channel.
Also, I said we should escape from the European Convention on Human Rights. This limits the places to which we might send the migrants.
Lots of people now agree with this, including some senior Labour politicians.
Nigel also said British overseas territories could be used to process the claims — something which I came up with. I reckoned St Helena and South Georgia might be suitable. Nigel has gone for Ascension Island. Fair enough.
I also mentioned Rockall, which Mr Farage has ignored. I know it’s small, windswept and icy but the lads from Iraq and Afghanistan would enjoy getting to know the local resident population of fulmars and guillemots.
Also, Nigel suggested the migrants be paid £2,500 for agreeing to leave.
I just suggested giving them each a packet of Monster Munch for the journey.
Oh, and maybe a can of Fanta. Farage is becoming such a softie in his old age.
But Nigel has also said a Reform government would strike deals with the Taliban in Afghanistan and the mullahs of Iran, to take back asylum seekers.
The Taliban has already said it’s up for that, especially if there’s wonga involved for them. As you might imagine, the liberals are spitting feathers.
“How can we strike deals, and give money to, horrid regimes such as Taliban?” they shriek.
Well, we do it all the time. Those of us who live in the real world know that a majority of countries are run by thugs and wrong ’uns. But we still have to get along with them. Buy goods from them. Strike trade deals with them.
Yes, I’m talking about countries such as totalitarian China, where human rights are suppressed and the Muslim minority persecuted. Or the basket-case state of Pakistan. And plenty of others.
Afghan asylum seekers should be returned to Afghanistan — no question.
If they hate the country so much, they can agitate to overthrow the Taliban.
One thing Farage has not dealt with yet is the human-rights lawyers, and the immigration tribunals.
I’d scrap the tribunals. And what about the lawyers? Drop them into a pool full of sharks with laser guns on their heads, is one idea. Although Nigel hasn’t gone for it, sadly.
But he will have to enact legislation very quickly to stop the lawyers wrecking the whole caboodle.
So, well done, Mr Farage. It is the first common sense I have heard from a British politician on this issue, ever. And it makes it all the more likely we get a Reform government one day soon.
POOR old Jared Bowen. He’s about the only player performing properly for West Ham at the moment.
So he was within his rights to object when some wazzock in the crowd started having a go at him.
But now he’s had to issue an apology.
You mustn’t be rude to football fans, no matter how horrible they might be.
These are early days. But it’s looking quite possible that West Ham might go down this season. What a terrible shame that would be. What a terrible, terrible shame.
WHAT IS ANGE ON ABODE?
Dan CharityVaping Angela Rayner just bought her third property, a lovely seaside flat in Hove for £800,000[/caption]
IT wasn’t just asylum seekers bobbing along in an inflatable in the English Channel.
There was Angela Rayner, too. With her vape.
She’s just bought a lovely seaside flat in Hove for £800,000.
This means she is now Angela “Three Homes” Rayner.
I have no objection to her owning another property. Although it would be useful if she could decide which one is her main home. There seems to be some confusion over that.
But Angela doesn’t really agree with the notion of people owning more than one property, does she? Another case of do as I say, not as I do.
TAY’S HAPPINESS
I’M not really supposed to write anything about Taylor Swift.
Her lawyers issued a furious “cease and desist” notice the last time I did.
But I hope she won’t mind me just wishing her the very best for her engagement to Travis Kelce.
I hope they have a long and happy marriage.
And if settling down with a long-term partner means Taylor is tempted to give up music, well, I suppose that’s just the price we’ll have to pay for her happiness.
GENDER AGENDA
YOU think things are bad for freedom of speech here? Take a look at Canada, which is rapidly becoming the most stupid country in the world.
A single-mum nurse, Amy Hann, was sacked because she had expressed her admiration for JK Rowling.
And posted gender- critical views on social media. Gender-critical means saying perfectly reasonable stuff, like men who transition to being women are not real women.
Anyway, Amy was not just sacked. She also faces a $90,000 legal bill.
It has become a spiteful country, Canada.
Amy now has an appeal against those costs.
If she loses and starts a crowdfunding page, I’ll be donating.
She’s a brave woman.
BULLY FOR THE BEASTS
FacebookMatador Manuel Maria Trindade was killed by an enraged bull in Portugal[/caption]
A YOUNG matador, Manuel Maria Trindade, was killed by an enraged bull in Portugal.
The beast hoisted him up and charged into the wall of the arena.
Obviously, I feel sorry for Manuel and his poor family. It’s an awful thing to lose someone so young.
But what a foul and degrading spectacle bullfighting is.
And don’t you hope, whenever you see it, that the bull might get its own back?
Catalonia has banned bullfighting and now the rest of Spain, and Portugal, should do the same.
Send it back to the Middle Ages, where it belongs.
CONGRATS to David, who was a contestant on an edition of Tipping Point I saw recently.
David is a former RAF pilot, of 64 Squadron, and he did very well on Tipping Point.
He won a mystery prize and David’s prize was . . . a day out at a flight-simulation centre.
RIGHTS, THAT’S ENOUGH
FORMER Labour Foreign Secretary Jack Straw has become the latest figure to demand the UK junk the European Convention on Human Rights.
This is the treaty which stops us deporting all those illegal asylum seekers.
Jack is an admirable politician, with a record to be proud of.
So, too, are former Labour Home Secretary David Blunkett and Manchester Labour MP Graham Stringer. And both have suggested we should take similar action.
But the Government does nothing. And the problem gets worse and worse.
Because Sir Keir Starmer continues to listen to his awful buddy, Lord Hermer, the Attorney General.
When so many senior Labour voices are making the same point, Sir Keir, don’t you think it’s time to listen?
SEEMS A BIT THRONE TOGETHER, AUNTIE
BBCNew BBC series King And Conqueror is so dim-witted[/caption]
BBCThe series features rotten acting, banal dialogue, a lack of period detail, as well as complete fabrication of part of our history[/caption]
I STARTED watching the new BBC series King And Conqueror.
I really miss The Last Kingdom, you see. And I thought that this might be a bit like it.
The story of how William the Conqueror became King of England – what could go wrong?
Well, apart from the rotten acting, the banal dialogue, the lack of period detail, the complete fabrication of part of our history – nothing! Nothing at all! It’s a long time since I’ve seen anything so fabulously dim-witted.
And it’s left me despondent, sitting in front of the TV, pining for Uhtred, son of Uhtred.
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