WHEN did Britain get so bossy?
We are meant to be the land of freedom and liberty.
AFPSir Keir Starmer is considering a tax on gambling to pay for higher welfare spending[/caption]
AlamyThe company that manages my block of flats sent us all a letter because someone put the wrong rubbish into the wrong bins[/caption]
Our Parliament is the oldest in the world.
We chopped the head off our king when he got too big for his boots and ruled as an autocrat.
And we fought and won two world wars against tyranny.
But now we have become a nation oppressed by the tentacles of the nanny state.
You cannot walk down the street without being confronted by some hi-vis-wearing sergeant major of officialdom barking orders at you.
David Hockney, Britain’s greatest living artist, has a campaign to End Bossiness Soon.
He was going to name it End Bossiness Now, but thought that was too bossy.
I applaud his mission — it is one we should all take up.
Recently, bossy Britain came to my doorstep. The company that manages my block of flats sent us all a letter.
It showed CCTV photos of people caught red-handed accidentally putting the wrong rubbish into the wrong bins.
The implication was clear: They should be hanged, drawn and quartered for their terrible crime.
Hot on its heels was another email containing incriminating photos of doggy paw prints on the communal stairs.
The guilty culprit should immediately fetch a bucket of soapy water, get on their hands and knees and scrub, the memo suggested.
This level of intrusive curtain-twitching would make the Stasi wince.
Bossy Britain is everywhere.
The other day, I was getting my train into work when a furious-sounding man began shouting through the station Tannoy.
“Stand clear of the brushes at the edge of the escalator . . . for your own safety!”, he thundered, with such alarm that he could have been announcing a nuclear warhead was about to hit us in the next 60 seconds.
Fierce and terrifying
Is this really necessary? I mean, how many lives have been tragically cut short because an ankle has been gently tickled by a few escalator brushes?
Bossy Britain is in the Covid-era signs still telling us to stick to “social distance” rules four years after lockdowns ended.
It is in the stomach-churning calorie counts that are now on every menu at restaurants.
It is in the notices that tell kids they cannot play with balls in the communal gardens of their own blocks of flats.
Bossy Britain hectors, intimidates and tries to make us feel bad. And it has already claimed victims.
The sugar tax on soft drinks ruined Irn-Bru and mango Rubicon by forcing makers to change their once-delicious recipes.
And I doubt it has led a single obese child to lose a pound of weight.
Now the Treasury is threatening to expand the foul-tasting levy to milkshakes, too.
Plans for a smoking ban outdoors only went up in flames after a national outcry (thank goodness).
But now there are rumours Sir Keir Starmer is considering a tax on gambling to pay for higher welfare spending.
Yet more bossy taxes designed not just to raise money — but to make us feel bad about the little joys in life.
They are a tax on fun.
Britain’s nanny state is like the many-headed hydra of Ancient Greece, a terrifying sea serpent which Hercules had to slay as one of his seven labours.
Each time Hercules lopped off one of the monster’s heads, another grew back, just as fierce and terrifying.
The hydra was finally defeated only when its one immortal head was killed, leading the others to wither like tomatoes on a vine.
Sir Keir should heed Hockney’s cry and hurry up and slay the hydra of the nanny state.
Or does that sound too bossy?
Spice up the lives of modern teens
HOORAY, the Spice Girls are finally reuniting.
Well, their holograms might be, anyway.
GettyThe Spice Girls are reuniting[/caption]
Their old manager Simon Fuller is in talks for their avatars to perform live concerts, like the Abba Voyage experience.
This is music to the ears of girls like me who grew up in the 1990s, squabbling with our mates over who got to be Geri in the dance routines, but never got to see the Fab Five perform live.
I remember when Wannabe burst on to the scene. Suddenly pop was fun again. Angst-ridden blokes strumming their guitars were now out.
Leopard print-wearing gobby girls were in.
Me and my mates dashed over to Walthamstow Market to pick out our crop tops, moon rings and platform trainers. It was all about Girl Power and having fun.
Girls today have it harder than I did. All that Instagram pressure and doom-scrolling can’t be healthy.
A trip round a virtual Spice World would spice up their lives.
TOUGH LUCK FOR ED
ED MILIBAND once famously declared, “Hell yes, I’m tough enough” to be PM when he was asked if he was just too much of a geek to lead Britain.
And it seems that he has been trying to act the hardman again – this time over how much cash his Net Zero department will get.
EPARed Ed stormed out of showdown talks with Treasury minister Darren Jones after just NINE minutes, top government sources tell me[/caption]
Red Ed stormed out of showdown talks with Treasury minister Darren Jones after just NINE minutes, top government sources tell me.
He was in such a huff that he slammed the door behind him.
But it seems his Danny Dyer impersonation is not leaving his colleagues quaking in their boots.
One told me: “Ed is playing the tough guy and being very aggressive.
“Maybe it would look swaggering if he didn’t look like the kind of guy who got his head shoved down the toilet at school.”
It seems Ed is not tough enough after all.
BEEB IS DYING BEAST
THE BBC has brought back its Walking With Dinosaurs show – and I could not be happier.
It is fun, educational and heart-warming.
In the first episode, we meet an orphaned baby triceratops, Clover, looking for bigger pals to protect her from a fearsome T-Rex.
The show follows palaeontologists as they dig up fossils, then uses CGI to reimagine the lives dinosaurs led on Earth.
It is the sort of TV show Auntie should be making.
The BBC’s Charter Review is looming, and politicians will again debate whether we scrap the licence fee for a subscription service.
With viewer numbers crashing, particularly among Gen Z, the dated model of the licence fee is hard to defend.
One thing the Government should do is decriminalise non-payment of the fee.
It is outrageous you can get a criminal record for this.
The BBC must modernise to survive – or like the dinosaurs, it will become extinct.
DOWN THE TUBES
THREE cheers for Robert Jenrick, the Tory frontbencher who has been out catching fare dodgers in London’s lawless Tube stations.
The video of the Shadow Justice Secretary confronting blokes who brazenly jump the barriers in the capital’s Underground has been watched 11million times.
TwitterRobert Jenrick has been out catching fare dodgers in London’s lawless Tube stations[/caption]
In one particularly outrageous scene, a fare dodger even threatens to pull a knife on Jenrick after being challenged about his behaviour.
Sorry mate, you’ve been caught on camera!
This video has struck a chord with the country because it shows what we already know is true – lawlessness has taken over many of our streets.
Thuggish criminals are dodging fares, nicking Greggs sausage rolls and generally sticking two fingers up at the Old Bill.
The scenes Jenrick filmed will be only too familiar to anyone who has caught a train or Tube in London in the past few years.
Train station staff lazily chat to their mates or stare blankly ahead as yobs vault over the station barriers.
They don’t bother to even challenge these fare cheats. They just aren’t bovvered.
And what is London Mayor Sadiq Khan doing while thugs run amok on his Tube system?
Calling for the decriminalising of cannabis, a topic high up on absolutely nobody’s agenda.
Mr Khan should stop grandstanding on vanity issues, take a leaf out of Jenrick’s book and actually start challenging the lawlessness gripping our streets.
THE Royal Family have announced the haul of pressies they have received in 2023.
King Charles was the big winner – bagging a free Rolls-Royce and a fragment of the cross Jesus was said to be crucified on.
But spare a thought for poor Princess Anne.
She was given a bottle of hand sanitiser and a model of a slurry tanker – used for transporting animal manure.
No offence to the well-meaning gift givers, but those presents sound a bit s**t.
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